It's been 4 days since my meeting with my mentor. A meeting which encouraged me to start aggressively working on breaking down some barriers & truly start acting on my intention to make 2013 a year of release.
On Monday she recommended that I make a cost-benefit analysis for one specific thing that is holding me back. As the enormity of what that meant began to sink in, tears started to pour down my cheeks. Who knew that creating a simple pros & cons list would hit such a cord.
But it did.
And I'm fully aware of why it did. It hit a cord because I've know for some time that this type of task was coming. I've known that a time would come where I'd need to take an honest look at the strongholds affecting my life and that doing so would bring some (or lots of) pain to the surface.
So the past 4 days I've been ruminating... no, avoiding. I'd wake up, see my journal on my nightstand & briefly (VERY briefly) consider doing my cost-benefit analysis. And for the past 4 days I've been putting it off. Probably out of fear of what will arise & probably out of pure laziness. This will be no easy task & I honestly don't want to face what's on the other end of it.
But it has to be done & in the end I'll be all the happier and healthier for it. It's the diving in, the in between that I dread.
It has to be done. And so today I dive. Willingly. Head first into a sea of pain, but also a sea of eventual grace, mercy & healing. There is no hesitation in my dive today. Only boldness. Confidence in the knowledge that His timing is perfect and that my obedience (albeit delayed) will be blessed. Selah.